Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
