So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
