Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
