I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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