Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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