Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
