Three words: puerto rican gang bang
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
