were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Every concussion has its silver lining
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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