is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
