i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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