So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
