Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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