I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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