Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
