i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm always down for nudity.
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