I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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