I didn't shave. On purpose
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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