Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
