Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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