I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
