those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
