I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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