Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
