I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
