I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
True strength comes from lack of pants
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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