your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
