I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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