I wish my penis had an off switch
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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