I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
