I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
