so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
