My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
