your parents love me but you hate me
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Actions speak louder than pants.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
