Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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