my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
