Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
