he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
