good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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