I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
