Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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