honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
