Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
