I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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