I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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