Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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