You're completely useless in the revolution.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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