a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
