Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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