I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
