pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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