Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
