She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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