I have demons in me.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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